


Always and Never

by WisdomState (TheWalkingSwen)



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-01
Updated: 2012-10-01
Packaged: 2018-03-07 09:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3169952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWalkingSwen/pseuds/WisdomState
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot. Spoilers for 3:03. Anthony's thoughts catch up with him as he runs away from the thing he has loved above all others. The woman who gave him back his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always and Never

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This story was originally posted in 2012 on my ff.net account (now quite inactive), for a fandom I am sad to say I am no longer a part of. This pairing broke me, and this episode was really the start of it. Edith and Anthony had so many beautiful moments, I thought, and I couldn't help but imagine how Anthony might had felt on that day. 
> 
> A very warm thank-you to all of my followers on ff.net who enjoyed reading/reviewing this. 
> 
> SPOILER WARNING for S3:03.
> 
> Disclaimer: Regrettably, the characters in Downton Abbey do not belong to me - they belong to Mr Julian Fellowes.

* * *

The tears stung as he walked hastily from the church.

He had seen it in her beautiful brown eyes, the moment her heart broke.

The fault was his alone.

All along, it had been his frail hope, his selfishness that kept him close to her; the undoing of their relationship was also now to be blamed on him. Sir Anthony Strallan had allowed himself to fall in love with that charming, young woman six years prior. Nothing but his own misguided attachment prevented him from being unable to let her go.

Even when he tried, her unfailingly appealing charms had convinced him that they might have had a chance. Her family had opposed the match since he came back from war, and who could blame them - and Lady Violet, every bit the viper he knew her to be, convincing him at the crucial moment that leaving was the best option.

He almost thanked Robert, for trying to have him reconsider.

Almost.

But it was Violet that gave him the chance to get away. And so he got away, and subsequently got  _his_  way: giving the love of his life the chance to  _live_ hers. Truly live it, with men and women her own age, away from Downton, away from him.

He had only broken her heart in the process.

But _his_ heart had broken when he made the choice to call it off. And it broke, time and time again, whenever he tried to finally put an end on it.

There was always that part of him that had known he would have been so, so very happy with her - if he had allowed it to continue.

Anthony's walk turned into a run, as he escaped the view of the church where he was certain the family was by now in uproar. That, or his dearest, darling Lady Edith would have fled back to Downton in tears, shaken by his terrible humiliation. He could hardly believe what he had done.

_It was for the best._ He reminded himself.

_It was for her._

Yet, no matter how he tried to reason with himself and his broken heart, he still remembered the way she smelled; sweet and inviting as he leaned forward to say goodbye. He told her that God should bless her - always. All he wanted was that she find what was best for her.

That she would find love with someone deserving of her.

_And finally_ , he thought.  _No matter what happens for her now, that dear girl... I will always love her._

Always, and never.


End file.
